A guy on the Lovesystems Lounge recently posted this question, and it represents a common problem amongst guys who are new to the game, so I thought I would post it here.
What I find is that in some sets, I do the majority of the talking. Meaning, I start a thread, we talk about it for a bit and then it dies down. I start up a new one and yada yada the same thing. In some of my sets the girls give me like one word answers and they invest very little into the conversation. Like I will ask them a question, they will answer, but then thats it. For some reason, I am not getting the indicators of interest that I want. Things such as girls asking me my name, where am from. I feel as though am doing all the talking and the girls seem disinterested in what I have to say, like they start looking around, or give me one word answers.
Maybe this was just one of those nights, where nothing sticks, am not sure, but it’s a shitty feeling, because although am doing best to absorb the social pressure and stay in set I feel like a rambling fool for doing all the talking.
If you’re having problems getting attraction, it’s usually because of something you’re doing wrong earlier in the interaction. There are a few things you are probably doing wrong based on this description.
1) Being too gamey. MORE IS NOT BETTER when you’re talking about attraction routines – they can pretty quickly get weird. Attraction routines are great for when you get stuck – when you don’t know what to say next. But what really generates attraction is when you demonstrate wit, poise, and humor. If you’re not demonstrating these things (or one of the other attraction switches) you’re not generating attraction, attraction routine or not.
You want to engage the set, make them laugh, generate a bit of attraction and then CHILL. Either continue with some good fluff talk, pick up the kino and/or move into qualification. That is to say, once you HAVE attraction, you need to move forward to the next step in the Lovesystems triad. If you keep trying for more attraction, you will blow it.
2) Being weak on the opener. If your opener is weak, you’ll usually see the effects about a minute or two in. Opening/transitioning poorly can make it very hard to get attraction. If you’re nervous on the opener, if you’ve been sitting by the bar with your beer stuck to your chest looking awkward for the past 15 minutes, if you come across too eager or like you’re reading a script, these things will often mess up your game about 3-5 minutes into the set. Practice your openers, practice making them spontaneous, invent your own openers, and above all else, HAVE FUN when you’re out, and make that energy infectious.
3) Not plowing. Some women will giggle and be all over you when they’re attracted – many will not. Some women are bad conversationalists, some women are shy. Some women have bad game and will ask you boring questions over and over. There are a lot of reasons why a woman might not give you strong IOI’s (indicators of interest), so you can’t really sit around and wait for those IOI’s. Keep moving forward, and if you get a “red light” or she’s clearly showing disinterest, back off and move on. But don’t bail just because a woman isn’t giving you strong “I like you” signals.
4) Short setting. A lot of the time, the sets I do early in the night have the same problem – the women are friendly enough, but chemistry doesn’t come easily. You can do really well for yourself by bailing from those sets after 2 minutes or so (on a high note) and re-opening at midnight when the girls have a few more beers in them and have seen you having a great time around the bar. Suddenly, there’s chemistry.