The other day, a friend forwarded me a link to a gallery featuring pornstars without makeup. Apparently it’s been circulating around the internet quite a bit this week.
Looking though it, one thing becomes glaringly obvious – most of these women, who are celebrated for their beauty and look pretty damn hot when they are on screen, are pretty plain without their makeup on.
I’m not shocked. I’ve seen enough women in the morning to know what makeup and lighting do to women, and how to see through it.
But a lot of guys get caught up in the illusion. They get taken in by the hair and the makeup, and wind up putting these women on a pedestal. These women are “10”‘s, they say, and they think they really need to do something special to get these girls. I can’t tell you how many times a student has gone up to me and said “Go approach that ten man”, and I’ve looked around and he’s pointing at a girl like this.
When I see a girl like this, I see the top-right photo. I see a girl who is pretty, but she’s trying hard to impress. She’s wearing a mask, both literally and figuratively. With her mask, she’s powerful, an object of desire from men around her, without the mask, she’s just another girl. I don’t believe in judging women (at least before I talk to them), but you can presume that she is wearing the mask for a reason. Maybe it’s for power over men, maybe it’s to keep up with her girlfriends, maybe it’s because she’s insecure, but there’s always a reason.
Other guys see only the mask. They are taken in by her glamour and think they see something truly special. But she’s just another girl. They’re all just girls. If you want to be able to relate to these women as people, and to really understand them, you have to see through the illusion. You can’t let it fool you. She’s a regular person with regular person problems and probably a life that’s a bit dull.
On the other hand, one of my favorite things is when you’re in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning and all of a sudden, the girl at the top left of this picture walks in.
She’s cute, probably pretty enough to attract some looks at the coffee shop, but not a pin-up girl. Maybe she was up late studying, is dressed a bit shleppy, her hair isn’t done, and she’s got a cute little gap between her teeth. But even at 11am on a Sunday, you can tell that she has something special about her. The smile, the eyes, those are real.
And so you chat her up, and get her number, and later that week you meet up and bam, the girl on the right shows up. There’s nothing nicer than getting a pretty girl’s number, and having a stunner show up at your date. It happens.
Of course, if you’re a guy who has limiting beliefs about beauty, you’re going to mess things up. In the first case, you’re going to mess things up because you fall for her mask, and give her beauty more meaning than it deserves. In the second case, you might pass up making a convenient move on a gorgeous girl because she’s looking a little bit frumpy.
You need to look past the makeup, and go for women who stir something inside of you. Don’t put beautiful women on a pedestal, or overlook the beauty in the women around you. And always, always, go for what YOU want, not for what you think would impress your friends, or what you thing you “ought” to go for.
It’s just good game.